Family Time oh! F***! | Ep 2

Happy AF - Episode 2: Family Time… Oh F***!

Heading into the holidays…BREATHE!
In this hilarious and honest episode, Maxine and Isabelle dive into the beautiful chaos of Thanksgiving, family dynamics, funerals, bachelorette parties, and all the emotional landmines that used to send them straight to a drink.
From mispronounced words to side-splittingly funny cultural misunderstandings, this episode is full of laughs, but also a real reminder for anyone trying to stay grounded (and alcohol-free) during the season of “togetherness” that if you drink to solve a problem, you end up with two problems!
This one’s for anyone who’s ever walked into a family gathering thinking… oh f**.*

🌐 Connect with us:
Website → https://happyafpodcast.com

Tastings: Peak Cocktails https://peakcocktails.com
Co-Hosts: Maxine Linehan and Isabelle Laureier
Produced by Linehan Entertianment
Supervising producer Priscilla Priebe
Video editor Michael O’Neal
Audio producer Andrew Koss
Original Music: Andrew Koss and Maxine Linehan

Please remember to subscribe to the podcast and to visit our website at:
www.happyafpodcast.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Welcome to Happy AF. That's happy alcohol free. Or better yet, happy as fuck. Either way, we're zero-proof, but full of laughs. I'm Isabelle Laurier.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

And I'm Maxine Lenahan, and together we are changing the narrative on drinking booths. One hilarious episode at a time. Hi everybody. Welcome to Happy AF. This is episode two. Um, happy alcohol free or happy as fuck. Or in our case, both.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Right. By the way, before you start, I have a question. So I'm the kind of person who takes a sugar pill, and if you tell me that's actually drugs, I'll get high as a kite, right? So does that stuff numb your inside? Because I'm feeling tingly. What's ashawanga? Or what's in that ashwaganda? It's uh a mushroom? Again, is that supposed to make me high?

SPEAKER_01 1:03

I feel a little giddy. What have I given you? Okay. So listen, we're doing this backwards. This was supposed to be at the end. So this is no, no, no, but look, we're doing it now. This is um zero-proof aptigens and nootropics and superfoods. I'm I'm telling you, I'm pushing a little high on that.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

Okay, that's interesting. And I'm feeling a little warmth, like right around my my very prominent bossoms. Okay, right here. So let's just be clear. There's no drugs in this. No, no, but it feels like yeah, it should be.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

But you know, I'm listening to what's in here. You get a little bit more. Okay, let's tell everybody else what this is now that we're going. Peak cocktails. I love these. And it's you know, they advertise this zero-proof cocktail for fitness recovery. And inside it is tart cherry, yeah, ashwagandha, lemon balm, crekuman, and zinc.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

And I think the zinc is what is giving me the little tingly feeling. Or the ash the ashwagandha, whatever the hell it's called.

unknown 1:58

All right.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

And it's not watery, so it feels like a cocktail. It feels amazing. Yeah, it's we're gonna come back to that.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Anyways, you've been good. I'm good. So it is a couple of days until Thanksgiving. Right. Uh, Thanksgiving is coming. So what we're gonna talk about today is family time. And I I think many people, when you say family time, makes you think, oh fuck, and get a little bit nervous. And and a lot of people think in order to get through family time, drink is really helpful. But here's the other thing in our both of our countries, uh well, Ireland doesn't even have Thanksgiving. In fact, what's really funny, when I moved to America 23, four years ago, my friends used to joke that I can't even say Thanksgiving properly. And actually, I still don't know. What do you mean? You can't say American properly. Because is it Thanksgiving? Is it Thanksgiving or is it Thanksgiving? Oh wow. I think but apparently I was saying Thanksgiving. I just scrapped the edge and thanks, or is it the giving? I don't know. Anyway, I just think it's so funny because when I moved here, I didn't I didn't I didn't celebrate the holiday. I didn't it didn't resonate with me in any way.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

And in Canada, we have in October, it's on a Monday, and nobody really, really cares about it. It's like a not a big deal, except you have Monday off, so that's like really cool. Okay. Um actually it was like last week.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Canadian Thanksgiving already happened.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Yeah, yeah. It was there, it was like it coincided with that event that was there like last week.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

Uh and last year, and actually, you're right about family time, boo you think of booze as helpful, which you know, I hate to admit it, it kind of is, but it also fucks things up. So it makes it worse so that you need more booze in order to like get out of here. Yes, yes, right.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Well, I mean, you know, we've all learned that, some of us the hard way. But before we talk about Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, people need to comment and say, where is the where is the emphasis on which syllable?

SPEAKER_02 4:09

Politics. When I were when I moved to the States, my accent was thicker, if you can even believe it. And there's a lot of things I would fuck up. Like, for instance, politics is one, so I have to think about it, it'd be politics or economics, politics, and nobody was an asshole, but everybody's hassles, right? All right, we're gonna get to the something else.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

We're gonna get to the bottom of, oh yeah, because same thing, but so many stories.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

And I went canoe tripping, and nobody told me, and I did 41.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

When I was 16, canoe.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Yeah, you're in a canoe for 40 days. I know what you said, canoe. Is there a wrong way and a right way? But long story short is every time so I was learning English, and I don't know who went on that, it's nothing to do with booze, but maybe that's what drove me to drinking. They're like, oh yeah. I was like, what's a twat? I'd heard that word, no idea what it was. They're like, oh, it's like a big hairy moose, like re-hairy. I'm like, wait, I've been calling everything a moose. I'm like, yeah, you're French Canadian. We didn't say anything, but when it's really big and hairy, you should have really been calling it a twat. And I was like, oh, and they all forgot about it. So for 11 days, let's say we'd and we'd see so many mooses. And every time they were big, of course, I'm like getting up in the canoe, I'm like, there's a twat! There's a twat. This went on for 11 days. It was great. Until like someone couldn't take it. Then we meet Americans. We cross into Minnesota and we see these like troops of Americans. And back then I was a smoker and we had run out of cigarettes. So my guide is like, hey, Isabel, go for it. The accent, the body. I was a little thing, I was 16 years old, it's cute. He's like, get these guys to give you a couple of packs of Marlboro's. So I get up in the canoe and my bathing suit, I'm like, big boys. The guys come over, oh, I haven't seen a girl and have this accent. And so we start, they give me cigarettes. I was like, I need to chat them up a little bit, though, otherwise that's shrewd. So I'm like, have you guys been hunting or hunting? Because I didn't say H's back then. They're like, Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, have you been Twatok thing? And they're like, Oh, I guess you can say that.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

Back on the booth. So Thanksgiving, everybody. So, you know, when we did the when we did the pilot, uh I mean, we were kind of just, well, we've changed the layout because we learned some things. Okay. Absolutely. We got some new mics and we got some nice lights, and we we moved things around a little bit. Um, but so, you know, when we did this pilot, we had no idea, honestly, what the hell was gonna happen. And we shared it with a few people a producer, an editor, a marketing director, and a little test audience, and oh my gosh, people loved it. So we're back, and this this is our little uh holiday mini seasons. And you like I was saying, holidays, family, family time, oh my god, uh fooze. We're gonna talk about that, but first, since we recorded the pilot, your dad passed away. He did suddenly and surprisingly. So you know, we're all about hilarity and fun on here, but this, you know, this is a serious moment. And um you mentioned you talked about your dad and the pilot. Right, of course I did.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

It was a big part, he's a big person. Uh, his personality was huge, and we found out after his death, and that he knows I love him, and my dad has a great sense of humor. That's actually a little bit funny. Uh, he was also a big person. So my dad, when he was my age, was as thin as I am. And being a different generation, um, you know, his idea of a vegetarian meal was a chicken, right? And so uh he'd smoked cigarettes like I did, but quit. But you know, I've always worked out. He his idea of working out was using a cart for playing golf. So, long story short, he had vascular issues, uh blockages, and that's what eventually he died of a heart attack. But when he passed away, uh my sister had to call right away the funeral home. He got cremated, and they said, Well, we need to know how much he weighs, you know. And my mom was crying. She goes, Tell him 200 pounds, 200 pounds. And my sister was like, Really? Because he had a huge belly. My sister was like, Well, I'll butter that up a little bit. She's like, 210. So that stays like that. And two days later, they called my sister back, and they were like, and they were very soft-spoken, like lovely, lovely people. And they're like, Miss Laurier, um, I have a delicate subject to brace with you. And she was like, Okay. They're like, you know, the the box, I don't know what to say that in English, in which we put your father the coffin. There's a bit, it's a bit of an issue. Uh, we think he was might have been a little bit more well-endowed than what you thought. So we need a bigger coffin. And my sister is like, oh, okay. Like, money is no object. My parents are well off. She's like, like, how much are we talking about? And they tell her, and she's like, oh wow. She goes, how much did my father weigh? They're like 260.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

Oh my gosh. Okay. But now I feel like this whole episode is gonna be about language and words. And so again, I am not the benchmark for any of it because I say words all the time that don't mean, right? But do you know what well endowed means?

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Is that a pee-pee? I meant like a b. You know, like when you have too much fat on you. Oh, okay, wait. I did not know if you had a big endowment on that front, but I'm talking about his belly. So I mean, I mean, I knew you were, but I didn't want to interrupt you when you talk about that. Oh my god, that's hysterical. That's him. That's that's my daddy's like, if you're gonna make fun of me, baby, there's gonna be big shit on me. Yeah, it's gonna be big. Yeah, well, listen.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

I mean, not to speak ill or inappropriately, maybe he was indeed well in doubt, but we're not that's not listening.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

Okay, we're back. Oh my god, I'm too late to the microphone. There better be other schwenga in there. Fucking I talk in my dad's penis. So my god, okay, I'm back, I'm back, I'm good, I'm good. Wow. Okay, so and when he passed away, so well, we have gone off the rails. Yeah, so he got cremated, and my dad was a happy person. You would like I'm laughing, so you'll say, I love them, and it was hard. I lost too much weight, and I'm back, and we're very spiritual, not religious, and my family, and I can feel him all the time in a very positive, gorgeous, gorgeous way. So that's why I feel good. But just to show you how much booze in our family is something is But listen, back up to when I when I was when when I you texted me.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

That's right, right? So you text me. That's right, for when I just went into that's right friend mode, right? So I was like, oh gosh, cool, my heart is breaking for you because it was sudden. You weren't, you know, there's no good way to lose a parent, but that way, you you know, uh m I lost both of my parents through long-terminal illnesses. So that's right. And so my immediate reaction to you to your situation was, oh gosh, she's going up there to family, dealing with a tragedy. We all knee-jerk usually to as soon as I get on the plane, I'm going to drink and I'm gonna make myself numb a little bit. So, I mean, all I text you, what did I text? You can't remember. It was like something super nice. It was like something very positive.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

You were like, I hope you, you know, obviously you're like, I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, I lost my parents. You said, I remember my dad's actually not so much because it was one of the worst hangover in my life. And but you said, you know, I hope just I hope you hang in there with the alcohol. Like, I know it's gonna be tempting. And so, and like I told you, when I read that text, it took me a minute. I was like, wait, what's she talking about? And I was like, Oh my god, of course, everybody's gonna think I want to drink. And so then we had dinner at my mom's house, and my sister was there, and like all their husbands, and I read your text, and everybody was like, and then they were like, Oh my god, we were just wondering, all that because it's been three days. We were wondering if you're drinking, and I was like, So you just were telling them what I had said to you. And they they had been on pins and needles this whole time, wondering if I wanted to drink.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

Oh my gosh, so you could have voiced it. Well, listen, uh, and I said that to you because one of your fate, one of the my favorite things that you have said, right, that I love, it's just a succinct way of saying it. You have a problem, you have one problem, and then you drink, you have two problems. Right. And I remember you saying, like saying those words to me that just really resonated. And so I wanted you to remember your own wisdom going up there. I wasn't worried that, you know, but I know I know, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

No, and plus, like I like because I took that wisdom from quitting cigarettes, which was far harder. And I have hysterical stories on quitting cigarettes if one a it took me two years to quit. And but when I finally stuck with it, that was the thing. Like, you know, if if you have a problem, you're like, fuck, I need a cigarette. No, you have two problems. And the thing with booze is I don't know about you, but for me, it reached a point where like you feel it in your tissue. Like, I don't know, you feel engorged and like like yeah, not and on top of having grief, I didn't want to feel all gross, gross and sweaty and drowsy and like you know, like you're like you're feeling like shit enough. Yeah. So, but it's funny because I will say that alcohol did not cross my mind, and I never thought I would say that. But the thing is that I heard from someone else's book or something, it made me realize that I had decided that it was no opening. There's no, there's no, I'm not drinking again, that's it. Like that that door is shut. Yes, like there's it's not something I can revisit, like the cigarettes. It's not yes, I was wondering, do you feel this way? Like, is the door shot? Like for me shot.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

And here's the thing like I I say this to you all the time. I I also think it has something to do with how we chose this, right? Neither one of us were forced into a coming out of rehab, you really can't drink that. Right. We just we just reached a point in our respective lives that I know uh so many people in my own circle are are doing this now too. Is you know what? It doesn't serve me anymore. I'm not, and that's and I think for us, the catalyst for this podcast was making that a more normal conversation. It's not I had to quit. No, it's not that I was sacrificing, I am sacrificing, I'm giving up, I'm in recovery. It's none of those things for me. It's just, and the same for you, you're just like, I'm done. And I don't so when people say to me, I had a dinner, we had a dinner for Andrew's birthday the other day, and a number of people at the dinner party in our house, I made this huge meal, wine for everybody. We had a magnum of wine on the table. And a number of people at the table said, How are you doing this? How are you watching everybody drink and not drink? Do you miss it? Do you and oh my gosh, I wish I wish I could understand to you that it doesn't cross my mind. I've I've just made, I've just made a decision. And also, like I told, and I have a question on your dinner party, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

So don't let me forget my question. Okay. Like I told Brooks, like for me, I was gonna say trigger, but trigger would mean that I really want to drink. But there are there are certain things are you're like, I think sometimes I drank to enhance, so you create more dopamine than your body could, right? So so you remember certain things, and like, oh my god. Like, for instance, for me, my favorite sport was rom com and cheap wine on a flight. That, like, like that's just below an orgasm.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Like orgasm, rom com, and turning leaf, right? And again, just to go back, are you saying rom com? Oh, romantic comedy. We should also just use this, what's a rom-com?

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Well, something that comes in all kinds of ways, but anyway, rom com, short for romantic comedy, indeed, but I am with you, but so like like I'm going to Spain with my mom, that's a different funny story. And like the thought of for a minute, I was like, Yeah, I'm going to Spain. And it's like, oh yeah, but I can drink, right? But then I was like, oh, and then it's fine. But so that's the level of a trigger. But um what I want to say is that I was telling Brooks, even if I have those moments where I'm like, oh, I remember when I used to drink on that and it made me feel a certain way, and I might miss that, which is artificial. Yes. If you have quit for long enough, anyways, for me, you feel so great physically. You wouldn't I've never felt that great. Wouldn't that be a good one? I don't want to give it up. That's it. So I'm like, I don't want to give the not for all the chateau patruse on the planet. Right. That's what it is. I'm like, right? That trigger feels uncomfortable for about one minute. Yes. And that's not about I don't want to lose this. This that like I feel like scrubbed from the inside out. I feel light. I just feel like I don't know. I can't even explain it. But what I was gonna ask you about the dinner party, which does happen to me, but then my sister was like, she thinks we're socially anxious and we don't realize it. So maybe that's the case. But we so let's I'm throwing a dinner party or dinner or party. Yeah, I can't wait for people to leave. Meaning that, I mean, I'm having good time, but I have a limit amount in my body and head. And after a while, I'm like, okay, now I'm done. So when I was drinking, I was able to just drink myself through that limit. Through that limit, it's totally. And now I'm just like, so now I it go gives me a little anxiety because if I go to someone's house, I can get the fuck out of whenever I want.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

But when it's in your house.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

Then you're and then I just it's not I'm I'm happy they're there, but I'm like done. So I also handle that.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Or do you even like you don't have to do that? Honestly, that dinner party, I mean, it was on a random weeknight because it was the only night we could get everybody together. Right. And it was late. Ale, did you go? It was Ale. It was 11 o'clock. And you didn't know. You didn't get that, like I'll get leave. Oh my god, I'll fucking leave. You didn't get that? No, because in that particular group of people, we were all really catching up and hadn't seen for a long time. That happens often with big parties. And we have a couple of huge parties in my house. And so, you know, when you've got 50 people that you need to get out of there, you uh you need either to be the person that is like, hey friends, I do that. Oh, let's wrap it up. I feel like there should be no problem with you doing that. Right. The other thing is someone gave me cocktail napkins that that say please leave by 9 p.m.

SPEAKER_02 19:10

Oh, but I tell people that before I do the party.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

I'm like nine o'clock and I have a bell and I ring it, but I feel like I'm not my sister's bell? Yeah, my sister thinks I'm obnoxious. Okay, no, I need a bell. Okay, no, and it's nope, I need a please leave no bell.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

Because I'm like, and my sister's like, it's so obnoxious. I'm like, wait a minute. I'm throwing the feeding everybody delicious, organically grown. I'm giving everyone the best fucking service, the best everything at nine o'clock. I'm spent.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

You're like, I want to go. So then you're also like me, you're up at five o'clock in the morning. So by the time nine o'clock comes, you're like, um, peace out, everybody. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Yeah, we're not in Spain.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

If the you know, it's not Spain. Yeah, yeah. Which I'm going to like oh fuck, I'm gonna have to stay up late. You are, you're not even having dinner till 10 o'clock. So I don't know. Listen, you'll be you you'll be on that other time. I think I'll be fine. Like, it's like everything in is gonna be fine. But I want to go back to the trip to Canada. Right. Because, you know, family, a lot of people are going home in the next week or so for family, and you were not only going to be with massive amounts of family, you were dealing with a huge family loss, right? And a big tragedy. Tell me about doing it without alcohol.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

So um, it's interesting. It wasn't it wasn't a thing. I think I was so couldn't and actually that's the first time I realized that. I think if you're so busy or consumed by one emotion, then you don't have time to to think about alcohol, and and obviously I I've reached a point where I didn't think it would make it better. Um, and and by the way, that might have helped too. Like if I'm really stressed or shocked with something physically, like my my intestines get like twisted. I get very, very, very, very nauseous and I can't eat. Oh, yeah. So I lose a lot of weight, right? So being really nauseous, like booze wasn't on my mind. And but then when I got better, it's I don't know, it still wasn't. Uh it and it was great. And I remember thinking, if I had, and I told that to my mom, thankfully I'm not drinking, because it would have not only given me two problems, but I think it would have made the sadness sadder. Yes. It would not have helped out at all.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

No, of course not. It would, it would have been bad. It would have been so bad. It would have been bad. And here's one of the things that I do. I don't know if you do this, right? But I do this like sliding doors thing where I put myself in the scenario of if you were still drinking, in this same scenario, this is what would have happened. Right, right, right. And it makes me go because I remember. The situation. Right. And, you know, we talked, I mentioned my my father's funeral was unequivocally the worst hangover of my life. I think the drunkest I have ever been in my life. Like it was, it was so bad. And what I think now, God, if only I wasn't drinking then, it was this crazy scenario. It was Andrew and I had just got married six weeks earlier. Right. It was the last time I saw my dad. So my dad had modern neuron disease, ALS. Oh. We had it's so horrible. It's so, so horrible. Oh Lord. And I had gone, we're still living in New York, and I had flown back probably 10 times in the previous couple of years, saying, This is it. This is the end. Oh shit. And so when I when we when when we got back from our honeymoon, I actually went out on tour. I was working with um, I was in South Pacific with Lincoln Center. And I was out on tour for that. It was in South in San Francisco, and I remember getting the phone call. And I was like, oh gosh, it was the middle of the night. I had to do a matinee. So I did a matinee performance, and my amazing husband and mother-in-law were like, when you get off the stage, there will be a car waiting at the stage door. Just get to the airport. There is a flight booked. Just, you know, bring your passport. Go. We will meet you in Heathrow and we will fly to Cork together. So left the show. I got on that flight. Started drinking immediately.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

I can see that. And I drank so much. On the flight, you drank so much? On the flight. And that's the worst. Because so bad. Swell from the inside. Don't you think it's worse drinking on a flight?

SPEAKER_01 23:44

You feel like swollen from your inside. It's so bad. And when I moved to New York, what were you drinking? Wine or hard liquor? I probably started with a couple of cocktails, and then I had a rom-com. The calm you don't run from. I mean, I saw I'm such a child, right? It's you're hilarious. The um I was so drunk that and I had flown transatlantic, I don't even know. Like I was I Oh, you were pounding them. You're like the game. But I had flown back and forth from New York to London and Ireland so many times, had a couple of drinks, gone to sleep, wake up, and have a normal day. But you probably had more than a couple, and that one. No, no, I had so many drinks that the flight attendant woke me up. We were already on the runway. Oh shit. So they had put my chair up, I didn't wake up, landed on the runway, got off the plane. I have no recollection. You probably were still drawing the next day. No, there's no question I was still drawing. Right, right, right. I get to Heathrow and now I know I have to make a connection. Oh yeah. I look at my watch and I realize I was wearing the prop watch from the show. You're kidding. No. So I hadn't even taken it. So it was it was also a watch from the 1940s. So I'm wearing the prop watch. I go to the bathroom, I'm wearing the show underwear. Like all the stuff that goes on to the costume. Right. And I'm like, then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna get in so much trouble because you're not allowed to take stuff out of the theater. So I'm like, ah, I meet my mother-in-law and Andrew, Marge and Andrew, and we and we fly. I was, I remember that entire day feeling I'd think I'm going to be sick constantly. It was also a very fractured family gathering, as so many family gatherings are. But this one was like, there was so much bitching and and negative talk and I was just dealing with it from all sides. And I was like, oh my God. So the only thing I can do now is keep drinking. You can't, you can't keep drinking. Right. And I mean, not obviously during the funeral.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

100%.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

So I kept myself a little bit drunk entire time. Oh my god. And I remember the funeral. I remember drinking right when it was over. We stayed, you know. I don't know if this is true in all hotels. In Ireland, like when the hotel doors are closed for the night, they will have a bartender who will just serve you drinks 24-7. Oh, wow. So we stayed up, kept drinking. Right. I it it mean I'm I'm feeling a little bit sick now, thinking back to it, because I remember identifying a feeling in my body that I had never ever felt. What was it? It was, it was like outer body. It was, I don't know, my whole body was like tingly and awful. And it finally went to bed at like four o'clock in the morning. And then you can't sleep properly. Couldn't sleep, got up, was soaking up. I was like so sick. I will never ever forget that hangover. And like we said in the last episode, how many times? I got back home and I was like, I am never, ever, ever drinking again. Turns out I did drink. I drink many, many, many, many more, many more. Of course. Of course. But I look at those situations now and I do it both ways. So when I'm feeling great, I'm like, well, if you were drinking right now, you would have done this, this, this, this, and this. And this is how you'd be feeling. Right. I also don't live with regrets. And I 100% don't wish I never drank because there were great, great times in my life. That's a pr that's an example of a pretty horrible experience in my in my drinking past. But I think gosh, I would have handled my family, the loss, the travel a lot differently. So much better if I had not been drinking during that time.

SPEAKER_02 27:42

And the thing about alcohol is like, you know, some people, like, some people that can just drink a glass of wine or a scotch here and there, and that they can spend their life like that, probably, even though alcohol is a carcinogen, you know, like something is gonna kill you. Like Wi-Fi is probably a carcinogen too. Yes. So those people are experiencing probably the best of alcohol in their such a way. But it is a it is an addictive substance, and we all can fall prey to the addiction. And I know I have, in the sense that no one would have said Isabel is addicted to alcohol. I wasn't walking around like right, yes, but you know how many times was I like, fuck that, I'm not drinking today. And by three o'clock, I'm like, well, you know, you gotta die from something, right? And it's Chablis. It's not like I'm drinking, like turning leaf, right? And speaking of which, I told you, like, speaking of family and father's death and Shablis. So Chablis was my drug of choice simply because I used to love red wines, uh, which I'm back on, but A. Yeah, yeah. So there's a lot of great ones. That's really funny. So I used to love red wines, right? And I hit menopause at 40. And all of a sudden, I'm like, shit, red wine, not the alcohol. Red wine, of course, was the culprit for bad sleep. Correct. It was the gore that's like. It wasn't the alcohol. It's too much tannins, the amount of tannins and the red wine. So I had to stay away from all these delicious Barolos and whatever else accumulate Kognak and all that over the years. And I went straight to Chablis, right? Just now I'm back to the red wine AF because it's not the tannins, it was the booze. I can sleep and I drink two bottles of that shit if I go to a party right by nine o'clock. But so Chablis was like my drug of choice, the more expensive, the better, because then it meant I wasn't a drunk.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

And so last weekend, uh, long story short, business trip, ended up in Florida. I have my stepmother-in-law who lives down there with my father-in-law. So we went, I spent a night with them and had dinner, and she's British, and I love making fun of her accent. Like, I don't have one. And she goes, I arrived on there, she's like, Dear Lord, oh, your father was horrible. And you know, she was all being nice to me about the passing of my father.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

And she does okay, it was horrible that he passed. Yes, okay, no, he wasn't horrible, right? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 30:01

Like that he passed and all that. And then she's like, Are you doing sweetie? She's like, I have gone through all sorts of liquor stores and stores to find your non-alcoholic wine. I couldn't find it anywhere. Meanwhile, I went to Total Wine and that about 10 different brands. But she couldn't find any. I brought my own shit. I wasn't expecting, right? She goes, everywhere I've been in Sarasad, I can't find it. So since I didn't have a choice, I got you a Chablis. I was like, uh, that's so sweet. She's like, you weren't still not drinking, right? I'm like, correct. You know, in the Chablis. She was like, in the Chablis. I'm like, no, I want you to drink it though. And you tell me if you like it, you know. So to be nice, I smelled it. But I thought it was just to tell you how family can be such in denial about you know No, in denial and also just And you can't take it personal. When I told us someone, someone was like, I'm like, no, she's trying to be nice, and she's like, shit, I can't find this by her shit.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Listen, this is the whole reason we're doing this bloody podcast, is we're trying to normalize not drinking. It's not a big deal, but it should be it should be a total, oh, you don't drink? Moving on. Right, that's it. I mean, I have been to over the course of this summer, I don't know how many different events where the I'm not drinking was met by what? And I'm like, and I, you know, I want everyone who's making it.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

Just tell them you're pregnant, just tell them you're pregnant. That's what I do. I'm like, I'm pregnant. Yeah. And they're like, if so there's they're fucked because if they look surprised and they're telling me, I look old, they can't do that. And then they're like, oh wow, congrats.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

But honestly, like part of our mission here is to actually just keep saying it wherever you go. Right. You're like, no, I don't drink here. And now most places, so when I throw any kind of party, and this has been for the past year, I have an entire section of non-alcoholics options. You have to, right? But that's not the experience I have when I go to other places or other people's homes because it's not the normal, but I bring my own.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

And I think also our mission is talking about the AF and normalizing it, like you say, but also just talking like that makes me realize that women of our age, uh early 50s, late 40s, whatever, we deal with a lot of shit. And I think a lot of us have reached out for booze. Yes. Because we're 100% placed, because life has changed. You know, in the last 200 years, you know, we have 25 issues to deal with. Whereas 200 years ago, maybe what, five, right? You make sure your kids don't die, make sure you have a roof over your head, and now it's like, and our brains haven't adjusted. So people reach out for drugs and alcohol. And alcohol is the easy one because it's legal and it's acceptable. And I think we're also here just talking about all the daily shit we put up with. And how do we do that without numbing ourselves?

SPEAKER_01 33:01

No, I mean, of all of the quit lit that I read, right, the quit literature, I mean, most of the books I read were written by women, and most of the focus has been on how big alcohol has approached women in their advertising. It's sexy, it's da-da-da. And you're absolutely right, because I think one of the things for me in the catalyst was you know, one of the catalysts for me to quit was thinking, I'm not coping with it. Like I'm right, and I have a very full, I'm one of those, I hate the word busy because people busy has such a negative connotation. Busy's fun, it's like I a yoga instructor told me this years ago, and I've never stopped using it. Full. My life is so full. That's right. My life is so that is true in the most glorious way with my work, with my family, with now, with this, with all of the different organizations I'm involved in. Right. My life is full in the most beautiful way. But we are conditioned to think that when you've got all of these things going on, not only if it's too much, not. But but we're conditioned to think it's too much. To think it's too much. And then you're like, what do I do to take the edge off? I have a drink. And I think the more and then you get addicted to it.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

Your brain starts thinking, I take a drink, you know, my my cursor goes on for a second, then it goes back up. And and it's so you just create a habit and then you create an addiction. It's a ritual, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:31

Right. I mean, we've we've talked about that too, and how you and I are the kind of people that still love the ritual of a lovely glass, of something nice in it, but we can absolutely do it without alcohol.

SPEAKER_02 34:42

And by the way, you know, speaking of accents and seeing things funny, when you mentioned clitlit, I was I was certain you were talking about clitlit. So I'm I don't know what we're talking about. Like, what kind of clitlet? Send me some titles. Quit literature. So we have uh we're gonna review a little uh clitlet uh from Maxine. Maxine, so with the wrong com and the clitlit. No, okay, it's not it's one well in done. There's gonna be like five E's next to our episode. You know they have their little explicit.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Listen, we are absolutely branded this as you know, unapologetic, uncensored. This is not for sensitive people. But um, yeah, you know, you're right. And and that's the other thing, thinking about Thanksgiving coming up, right? Most families, I'm not saying all families, but most families, the burden of cooking, repairing, da-da-da, it's all falling on the women in the family. And okay, so actually, you didn't even ask me this when you came in today. What why you're like, why are you wearing a sparkly pink sweater today? Why are you wearing a sparkly pink sweater today? With sweatpants. Um, because Thanksgiving is uh I lost my mom on Thanksgiving. Oh, you're kidding. Um I'm sorry to hear it. Many years ago, right? But it it was it changed the holiday. Of course it was for me, right? And um it was I had both kids at that point, and so I left Andrew, and you know, the kids were with their their dad and their amazing grandparents, and I flew to London where my mother was. Same thing. And I sat in vigil with my mother, and actually, now that I'm talking about it, it was such a different experience than my father's.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Were you drinking with your mother?

SPEAKER_01 36:31

I mean, I was drinking, but but it wasn't that kind of like when I flew over. I don't know if it was just a different gosh, I should maybe speak to a therapist about this. So when I flew to my mom, so my mom hadn't passed away. So there, I guess, was the difference. Right. They said it's gonna be in the next few days, guys, which was an amazing gift. So my mother had frontal temporal lobe dementia. So that's what Bruce Willis has right now. It's early onset. It is also so deeply connected to alcohol and frontal temporal lobe dementia. So my mom did drink, and it's um only much later in my life did I realize that it it played a much bigger role than I ever anticipated. Right. Or I ever understood at that time. And my parents were party people. We used to have parties in our house all the time. And my dad was one of those I I don't think I saw him drunk in my entire life. He was also six foot two. Yeah, so and he would drink gin and tonics, and it would be having a I saw my mother my mother drunk many, many times in my life. But at a party or at a party in our house, and then she would wake up and she would be hung over. But it was like, it was just part of the the society, how it was how we lived. Later in life, not knowing at this point the early onset dementia was starting to happen. We thought it was hormones, we thought it was depression, we thought it was all of those things. Alcohol was playing a different role in her life. I remember the first time I found a bottle of vodka. Hidden? Hidden somewhere. Oh, right. And I was like, okay. So she was she was depending on alcohol and didn't, and and many of us in our family didn't even know about it. Now there were to do an entire different podcast about that. Right. Um, you know, the shit that goes on inside your family that nobody knows about and I didn't know about. And anyway, when when I flew home for my for we knew it was gonna be the the end for my mom, and we me and my siblings were able to sit in vigil for a week, which was a really lovely gift that we got to sit there. Now, you don't know what people at that point with this illness comprehend. My mother knew I was there 100%, knew I was there, even though all you know, the nurse, the hospice nurse, they were like, She, you know, I was bowling, and she was like, I want you to know she's in no pain and she doesn't know anything. And yet when I knelt beside her bed and whispered in her ear and kissed her face and looked in her eyes, a tear came out. She knew. I'm like, don't fucking tell me my mother doesn't know I'm here. Anyway, your souls were connected. This is a long way of telling you why I'm wearing this sweater. This was the last thing she wore. Oh. So, and I kept this, so and I wear it every Thanksgiving. Right. But so it was a completely different drinking experience. Correct. So I was prepared a little. I mean, we sat there and I feel like I was too exhausted every night to ever drink. I went left left her bedside and went to sleep and came back the next morning. And she, you know, when my mom died, it was like for me the last tether. To Ireland? To Ireland. I mean, she was in London, but to Europe, to you, to Europe to my family, to that part of my life. Right. I felt like literally something just went released you and it was gone. Right. And I I remember her funeral, and I wasn't drinking. There was a, you know, a party and a pub afterwards. I mean, Irish deaths and drinking are synonymous. 150 people showed up to my dad, and there was booze and French music, and like it was a party. Yes, yes. And I actually love the idea of celebrating life, celebrating that person's life. But me as the daughter, and looking at these two things so differently now, when I we went to this pub in London after the after the funeral, and I was like, I think I had said to Andrew that morning, when the funeral we did it very quickly, I'm like, I'm coming home after the funeral. Right. And he was like, Oh, you don't know. I was like, no, no. So the funeral was over. We went to the pub. I maybe had a drink. I don't even. And I got in a cab and I went to Heathrow Airport. I remember sitting at Heathrow, getting on the plane. I remember all of that time. It's like my father's whole experience was a blur. And this one I remember so clearly. I remember sitting on the airplane and going, This is a I don't, I don't know when I'll go back. Right. I don't know when I will cross the Atlantic again. Not and and it, but it was but so back to your point about women and and family, it's like now coming into these times, right? I I know I look at it differently. I know I look at it with with alcohol removed from my thinking 100%, everything just seems more manageable.

SPEAKER_02 41:29

That it is because it is. Because it is more manageable, and also it's clear, and and especially like not to get politicals, because that's certainly not political. And plus, I get my I get my news from the today's show. So like they do marriage. You know what I'm saying? But in these times, like we are in the in the middle of of weird times, you know, there's a lot of war. Yes, the politics are questionable for everybody. You're all you're like scratching your head, going, like, am I okay? Am I not okay with that? There's so much going on. And I remember saying, you know, they legalize PAT, and I'm cool with that, I don't care. But I'm like, is it really the time to like be numb and not know what the fuck's going on? You know, it's nice to be clear-headed. Yes. And you know, you were talking about Thanksgiving and family and throwing a party. So last year I hosted Thanksgiving in Vermont after 39 days of sobriety. Before that, nine days sober, I threw a bachelor party for my sister who got married at 40 some 48. I threw a bachelorette party, I was nine days sober. Nine days. I can't believe even my husband.

SPEAKER_01 42:33

We were definitely gonna have to just go back to that word because it's bachelorette. What did I say? I don't know, but it sounded like bachelorette. It sounded like you were saying I threw a batch it party. Actually, might have been. We're gonna have to do a spin-off of this podcast of like how to pronounce it. There's a lexicon at the end. But the thing is you threw a bachelorette party after quitting drinking nine days or nine days, and then you hosted Thanksgiving Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_02 43:04

And by the way, on the nine-day bachelorette party, I think your first couple of weeks sober, if you were a heavy drinker like I was, it's probably a blur. Like you're probably you're sober, but you're not for me. Like, I was still like, where am I? And I remember someone brought a karaoke machine in our house, and I I sang Dream On, like Aerosmith, and I owned it like the bitch I am.

SPEAKER_01 43:24

Oh wow, is there no video footage of a few?

SPEAKER_02 43:27

There is like my sister has it. My sister was like, holy shit, I can't believe you're sober. I mean, I went for it. Um, and I had bought like a four feet tall, big, huge inflatable penis that had hung in front of the house. Didn't realize that all the neighbors could see it. So when I would go to the general store, strangers would be like, Hey, looks like it was a fun party. And I'm like, What? They're like, Well, there was a huge penis in front of your house. Like, it was very funny. So, why was there a huge penis?

SPEAKER_01 43:55

Because it was a bachelorette party, and it's a team thinking you. Oh! Actually, somebody has also punked you and told you that in America you must have an inflatable penis for Thanksgiving. This is a perfect way for us to wrap it up because we're all going to spend time with family, and so many of us are dealing with people who don't think like us, who are judgmental, who are judging you for drinking, judging you for not drinking. It's like, how about stop judging me? And just, but I think for me, I give so little fucks about it now. It's like if you if you're like, oh, she must have had a problem. Oh, she doesn't drink because it is. But but for all of it, I feel like we are now in this place where having removed alcohol, the thought that goes with it, the the the problems are just or the stressors are less stressful.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

And so, right. And the thing is that when I was drinking, let's say like the next day, you're like, man, she's such an asshole. But then I would play back. Well, maybe I wasn't very nice. What did like, and it was fuzzy. Like, did I, was I obnoxious? Like, you know, because you're a little drunk. Like, I was always a little something. I was, I was like your dad. You'd never see me. My mom says, I never saw you drunk. I was like, I was drunk all the time. Like, what do you mean? You always saw me drunk. She's like, I never saw you that so uh, but you're like, oh, maybe like, maybe I would have not said it that way. Maybe it was me. Like you question yourself. Yeah. But when you're sober, the next day you're like, no, it was fine. I can't see. So I didn't do anything.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

That word clarity. You have clarity, and you're dealing with all of the situations with a level head, without crazy out of whack emotions and all of that stuff.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

Um well, let me tell you a conundrum for another podcast that I don't think I've ever told you, and you might fall off your chair. Oh gosh. My husband and I have started a scotch company. We're shelving it for a minute. Because the speech, this it's a heritage scotch company. We started years ago, and like we have trademarks and stuff like that. And actually, we decided we need to shelve it for a minute because investors are nervous into investing in alcohol companies.

SPEAKER_01 46:22

Yeah, because they're investing in NA. Right.

SPEAKER_02 46:24

And we're looking into making it AF. But I'll what what kind of a conundrum is that? Isn't that funny, right? It's not because here's what you need to do. What do I need to do?

SPEAKER_01 46:33

I'm not saying adopting it. So but that's what we said we're gonna have both. So because it was a heritage Scottsa collectible. I just read an article about a club, a bar, something that just opened in New York. Right. It's 50-50. Because there's plenty of NA bars that have opened all over the place. So have 50-50, right? 50% with alcohol, 50%. Love that. And there's, you know, that this is the future.

SPEAKER_02 46:57

And by the way, this is why we're talking about. By the way, if I could be 50-50, I would. Yeah, but I cannot. I tried. Right. I tried being 50-50 and it's painful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:07

Well, and listen, it's a whole conversation for another podcast, is moderation. As dogs that can do that, it's great. Yes. So happy Thanksgiving. Hashawanga to you. Happy Thanksgiving. Right. Thanks, Thanksgiving. And happy Thanksgiving to everybody. Um, think about what's in your glass when uh you're going into a stressful situation. Have an amazing holiday. We have got two more episodes coming before the end of the year where we're gonna be, oh, what comes after Thanksgiving? It's Christmas time. Um, I mean, talk about all the stressors that go with that and gifting and all of the all of the things that go with the holidays and the office parties and all of that. So we're gonna be talking about that. Um, thank you to everybody who has already shared how much you've enjoyed us and our our honesty and our um funny way of saying things as an Irish woman and a Canadian woman. But um uh if you like what you're hearing, please write to us, let us know, subscribe, follow us on all the social media platforms. It's happy AF Podcast, um, happyAfpodcast.com. Thank you so much, everyone, and please follow, subscribe, and we'll see you in the next episode. Stay happy as fuck.

SPEAKER_02 48:26

Thanks for listening to Happy AF. We hope you laughed, learned, and maybe thought twice about what's in your glass. Subscribe, share, and find out more at happyafpodcast.com. And until next time, don't forget, stay zero proof and always happy as fuck.